Konstantly Konstantine

 

I wrote this poem after wandering for an hour through the rain feeling lonely and frustrated at the kiddie table of academic conferences (NCUR) in Lexington, Virginia in 2005. After today, I couldn’t help but listen to Konstantine and think of this poem...

soaked

taking the long way home
the rain can't help but stain my eyes
Konstantine is screaming in my ears
this time the words find further depth in my emptied heart
even as the thunder claps in beat with the drum
and the street flows strong with the blood of the sky

it's only 8:47 and I feel like I'm already asleep
my mind is rejected from the world
I'm searching for home, but illusions factor in
the path is gone and my map is inside out
the rain feels somehow right
even as it invades my clothes
I can't be alone while the world soaks up my skin

the bus drove past my stop
momentarily retracting my mind
but it didn't last
the empty window soon reclaimed my absent stare

I'm skipping ahead in the song, the one I hate
I hate that it knows me better than I do
I hate that I feel it burn through my lonely lust
I hate that no one hears my silent screams
I hate that life refuses simple love
the one thing that factors most...

you forgot to call
and maybe you never tried
but I yearn to feel your voice
it forgives my simple pain and renews a lost heart

I'm still walking home
but that's not my destination
I want to go deeper
into your heart
just to forgive the rain
and return the favor once done for me

but the sky still hemorrhages life
and my eyes are still blurred by the night
I walk slowly along the street
the cars all pass me by
and so does my lonely life
maybe one will slip
and smack me into the ditch
the ditch is calling
and I yearn to heed its siren voice

but your heart still hemorrhages life
and I forget the street
even as it spits the past in my face
I need your embrace
and your heart that claps in beat with the drum

maybe I'm already in an embrace...
the rain and thunder speak deep in my heart
and I feel strangely at home
standing soaked in the dark
I think I'll stay here tonight
but tomorrow I'm heading home