Konstantly Konstantine

 

I wrote this poem after wandering for an hour through the rain feeling lonely and frustrated at the kiddie table of academic conferences (NCUR) in Lexington, Virginia in 2005. After today, I couldn’t help but listen to Konstantine and think of this poem...

soaked

taking the long way home
the rain can't help but stain my eyes
Konstantine is screaming in my ears
this time the words find further depth in my emptied heart
even as the thunder claps in beat with the drum
and the street flows strong with the blood of the sky

it's only 8:47 and I feel like I'm already asleep
my mind is rejected from the world
I'm searching for home, but illusions factor in
the path is gone and my map is inside out
the rain feels somehow right
even as it invades my clothes
I can't be alone while the world soaks up my skin

the bus drove past my stop
momentarily retracting my mind
but it didn't last
the empty window soon reclaimed my absent stare

I'm skipping ahead in the song, the one I hate
I hate that it knows me better than I do
I hate that I feel it burn through my lonely lust
I hate that no one hears my silent screams
I hate that life refuses simple love
the one thing that factors most...

you forgot to call
and maybe you never tried
but I yearn to feel your voice
it forgives my simple pain and renews a lost heart

I'm still walking home
but that's not my destination
I want to go deeper
into your heart
just to forgive the rain
and return the favor once done for me

but the sky still hemorrhages life
and my eyes are still blurred by the night
I walk slowly along the street
the cars all pass me by
and so does my lonely life
maybe one will slip
and smack me into the ditch
the ditch is calling
and I yearn to heed its siren voice

but your heart still hemorrhages life
and I forget the street
even as it spits the past in my face
I need your embrace
and your heart that claps in beat with the drum

maybe I'm already in an embrace...
the rain and thunder speak deep in my heart
and I feel strangely at home
standing soaked in the dark
I think I'll stay here tonight
but tomorrow I'm heading home

Fuck Babies

Why are we always expected to say congratulations to someone who just had a baby? Is it really some big achievement?

“Ooh, you put your cock in her vagina and thrust back and forth a few times! You’re such an admirable human being!”

I mean really.

I don’t hate babies, there’s nothing wrong with them per se. And most people seem to think we as a species are worthy of continuing to (over)populate the earth, so they’re quite a necessity. But congratulations?

People often claim they have a biological urge to procreate. I don’t have it as such, so I can only go by what I hear. At best, this basic urge is meant to be an expression of the love between two married people.

An expression.

Excuse my rhetorical mindset, but I think a human being should be considered far more than a discursive product of an institution with a failure rate of 50%.

Social order is structured around creating citizens capable of reigning in their “baser” instincts. We can’t go killing our boss just because we don’t like him. We can’t beat our girlfriend just because she had an opinion. We can’t drink all night and then drive home playing GTA with the police. These are all good things.

So why are we not encouraged to reign in the basic instinct to have children? Babies too cause harm. They create more mouths to feed in an already well overpopulated world. They create burdens on our underfunded education system. They are harmed themselves when unworthy parents abuse them at worst, or at the least divorce and create life-long family rifts.

Why do we all feel so damned worthy to pass on our DNA and our name. I can think of a lot more productive things to pass on to the world. Making the world a better place doesn’t start with you and your progeny, it starts with everybody else. You want to pass on a legacy? Help others.